Rising Up from Miscarriage

Pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions, and that’s the understatement of the century. For most women, the moment they see the stick shows positive, shock and disbelief are usually the first emotions, followed by elation, and excitement. So much love. You start dreaming, and planning, and cannot wait to break the news to the world.

Then for some expecting women, the most dreaded, and the most unwanted nightmare happens – a miscarriage. And no woman will ever be prepared for the feelings that ensue – shock, and disbelief usually come first, again. However, it is then followed by despair, disappointment, and sadness. There are no two ways about it; no quick fix to solve it. But there are definitely a few things to remember in order to stay positive and to get through this tough time.

Rest, and Take Time to Heal

The most important thing to do when going through a miscarriage is to rest, and take the time to heal, physically and emotionally. No good comes from rushing the process by trying to toughen it out.

At times like this, be true to yourself. If you need a good cry, cry. If you need to scream, you scream. And if you feel like you just want to sleep the days away because you feel emotionally drained and cannot deal with anything else, you sleep. Whatever makes you feel better. So forget about anybody else and your work. Inform your boss, and go ahead and take the time off work so you can give yourself your all. 

At some point, you may start to resume your normal life again: work, going out with your girlfriends, joining your family events. But if you still feel like crying from time to time, do not feel bad about it. A miscarriage is a loss that will never be forgotten, even when you may have moved on and have your rainbow baby in the future. 

Don’t Forget your Partner

During tough times like this, it is even more essential to be there for each other as partners. This sorrow is not your own to bear. And no one else can understand the loss more than your partner. You may think that you were the one who lost something physically, which is true. But emotionally, your partner is going through the same exact sense of loss as you are.

When you were dreaming of a life with your baby, so did your partner. And because you share the same hopes and dreams, the loss is equally as painful for your partner, as it is for you. They have also been forced to say goodbye to their beautiful dreams with their baby that they never get to hold. Although at times your partner may try their best to be strong for you, especially at the early stages of a miscarriage, that does not mean that they do not feel the pain at all.

So respect that they may be at a different stage than you are. And that their grief may only come at a later stage, when they feel like you have been taken care of. Therefore, share the grief with your partner and take care of each other.

Dare to Share

More women today have become more daring in sharing their miscarriages with friends and family. But still not all women are able to do so, as they feel shameful and guilty about the loss of a baby. And some only dare to share their stories after they have multiple children. The guilt mentality is something that we need to adamantly change.

And by that we do not mean to publish your story in the press or anything like that. Stop punishing yourself by feeling shameful about it, as it is absolutely not your fault. So whenever you are ready, share the news with your friends or even colleagues. You may feel surprisingly better at the support and love from them, and maybe, they have also experienced the same thing as you are, and you may find solace in that. Ultimately, women can inspire others through sharing their story and so you may just help someone else in doing so.

Get Ready for the Next Chapter

Nobody will ever force you to find closure and move on. But there is something quite peaceful about finding closure, whenever you are ready. There are multiple ways to do so. Some women feel that a proper burial brings peace in their hearts, as they feel like they are able to properly say goodbye to their loss. Some women buy a trinket to remember their unborn, or getting a tattoo as a reminder, so they can carry on with their lives yet have a personal symbol to cherish.

Besides the emotional closure, you could find closure physically too – by doing a full medical check-up, or having an ultrasound scan. Knowing that your body is healing well can also make you feel ready to close this chapter of your life – ready to write the next one.

Try Again

Now, when you come out at the end of the tunnel, try again. Try to stay hopeful and positive, because feeling scared and stressed out of another miscarriage will put a lot of pressure on your body and mind, and that is never a good thing. So, plan a trip with your partner, or go on a romantic dinner date, and just try to have fun. Remember, you have successfully been pregnant before, so you have a good chance of getting pregnant again. Best of luck Ina-warrior!